


Red Tears

by Nadja_Lee



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, POV Alec Lightwood, Poetic, Post-Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, implied depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: An introspective study of Alec after Magnus broke up with him. A poetic retelling of the pain associated with regret and loss.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 18
Kudos: 425
Collections: Hunter's Moon 500 Prompts, Hunter's Moon Fic Recs





	Red Tears

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to Monochromatize and Cindy for great beta work as always.  
> Thanks so much to Regina for the great art.  
> Word prompt: Nail  
> This story is precisely 500 words.  
> Warnings: Referenced self-harm, referenced depression, referenced child abuse, self esteem issues, Christian religious symbols.
> 
> _Please read chapter notes for warnings_
> 
> # Red Tears

Red tears running over broken skin had always helped lessen the agony within. However, this time it didn’t work. Nothing worked!

He could cry tears of red to fill an ocean and still the pain remained. Silent screams echoed wordlessly through the night as another punch fell, another glimmer of silver kissed his skin.

He had found love; he had been loved....and he had lost it. He had ruined it. One wrong decision.... and all had come to ruin.

He had to be perfect. Always. It was a cross he had to bear. Should he stumble and fall the pain across his back wasn’t from palm leaves. One decision had led him here and he deserved this pain; this punishment.

He had learned to survive in the desert without water. He had had a path to walk, filled with stones and thorns. He had learned to embrace his fate. He had come to expect the pain; he **needed** it to survive.

Then **_he_** had come. Magnus. Offering shade and water, comfort and rest. His heart had been too young to know better than to give the keys to his soul in that first searing kiss.

Magnus had opened the floodgates to his heart and put it up on public display. He had heeded no advice and shown no caution. Why should he? This love was good. This love was forevermore.

Then he had made a mistake; one mistake and he had lost everything!

He couldn’t close the floodgates on his heart again. He was naked, broken, torn apart by wild black dogs.

He was wandering the desert; lost. Having loved and lost was the cruelest torture imaginable. Now that he knew what he could have had and then to lose it.... there was no escaping the hell that was his own mind.

Magnus had made him believe he could soar. That he could indeed be the savior of their world and create unity and peace.

His love had now become a crown of thorns. His soul was crucified and dying. His heart was pinned to the floor with nails made from all that he had had and all he had lost.

Love always hurt. His parents showed him that from a young age with harsh words and even harsher punishments for failing. Magnus had been so attentive and soft. He had said this was love. Alec had started to believe him.

Alec now knew his parents had been right; love hurts, and he had never hurt as brutally as he did now. Magnus had to have loved him to cut him so deeply.

For his siblings, for his family, he would stumble through life, a broken shadow. He would keep the agony at bay with red tears across his skin. Until no matter how deep he cut the cut would never be deeper than the cuts on his heart left by nails of glitter and magic so strong no force on Earth or in Heaven could ever heal them.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked the story please leave a comment and a kudos (or just a kudos if you are shy). It would mean a lot to me.


End file.
